Well, this is something new. People have been telling me to blog and journal my trials for years. I guess I’ve been journaling for a long time, but most of that lies locked away, in archives and corridors as deep as the originals in my soul.
This one is different. No one knows about this side, not much anyways. But this is an open space. People are welcome to come see what the dragon guards, not just what the unicorn allows.
I think I need to do this. It’s been roughly 11 years since it all began. Since existing began to hurt so immensely, so wholly, I could actually map the path before it happened. Now, and for the last couple years – give or take – I’ve felt like I’ve been coming out of that place.
A little over two years ago, I fully let Suzie in. I took Suzie’s hand, and was brought to Death’s front door. Suzie beckoned me forward, to introduce myself. I approached and knocked on the door. Suzie believed another soul was claimed – Death told me no, not on this day, not now. Come back later. I was told I had more to do, and it was not my time. I did not know why at the time, but with every day I understand a little more what I am meant to do.
Right now, I want to let every single person know: it is okay, and I love you. Everything is okay, and you are always loved by someone. I want every person to know and believe this, because I know what it feels like to think neither of these true, and I would never wish it upon another. I hope I can help as many as possible feel acceptance, calm, and love.
You are beautiful. You are loved. It will be okay and it is okay. I promise. ❤
Sometimes it still hurts, I feel it too. Sometimes it hurts like hell. But only. Sometimes. We are growing and learning, and we will make it through together. All of us.